I Miss Alissa
Today was a bad day. We've been on the waiting list to join a CSA for a local organic farm and FINALLY today was our opportunity to go out to the farm, meet the other CSA members and join up.
But we didn't go. Partly because of the financial obligation but I had already worked the math of how we could make that work for us. I was really looking forward to putting on my rainboots and tromping around the little farm, seeing the ducklings that just hatched and petting the horse. Maybe even meeting some people... but I was up all night last night while Ryan went to bed at midnight. At 6 I woke him up to go to the bakery, which was probably the highlight of my day. I love Ravelin. It's so warm and smells good and it's quiet. They do a lot of business but people seems to trickle in constantly through the day so it's rarely really crowded in there.
Everytime I go in there I have a daydream about working there. I think about rolling out dough or brushing eggwash onto things and having long hair again that I have to tuck under a bandana. In fact on days when school is the worst and I feel dark I go there a buy a fifty cent little cookie or a baguette for dinner just to daydream.
Anyway, after breakfast Ryan was instantly trying to nap again and spent the next three hours or so drowsing. I was trying to talk to him and would look up to find him asleep. Finally I gave up and we both just went to bed and then stupidly slept till 6. And that point I was starving, there's no food in the house and Ryan was dragging his feet until, in frustration I just went to store alone.
I'm just lonely. And when Ryan and I are fighting I feel really isolated. Alissa moved away a month ago and I can't believe that she really was my only friend in town. I just am not good at making friends at school and even when I feel like I've become friends with someone I find that once our class is over we never see each other again.
The result of which is needing a lot more from Ryan and not going out to do things and just starting to feel tired and lonely and sad. I guess I'll have to try harder to meet people and make plans on my own.
That, or you could move to Houston where the very weather is like the inside of Ravelin, and there are crazy-good highways, many job opportunities, and Alissa/me. : )